Unbearable
by hichigomate
Summary: Even if you put on a mask for those around you, it doesn't mean you're happy. Naruto knows this better than anyone. He stands contemplating his life, thinking fo those who've hurt him. For him, it's unbearable living. What will he do?


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, Gaara would be my man, of course, and the lovely hentai Kakashi. But, I was watching Final Destination 2, and decided that I really wanted to write this. It's another obsession; get over it.

Summary: Naruto had thought he was happy. Everyone else around him was, so shouldn't he be, too? Apparently not. You can never trully be happy when there's no one around to love you anymore.

Unbearable

It was a lovely day. I mean, Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-sensei just got married! That's so amazing! I kind of expected it, because all Iruka-sensei talks about is Kakashi-sensei, even though it's mostly complaining.

I'm happy; I really am.

Well, I think I'm happy. Shouldn't I be? I mean, I'm happy for them, glad in a way, but am I really happy? I don't think so.

After all, what's there to be happy about? Sasuke's gone, joined Orochimaru after trying to kill me. I didn't want to hate him, but now I do hate him. I hate him for what he did to me. How could he do such a thing to me?! I thought we were friends!

But I'm getting off track.

The girl I thought I loved is now married to bushy-brows. Sakura and Rock Lee are expecting their first child now; they want to name me its godfather, but I don't want that. I don't want a constant reminder of what I could have had.

And then there's the girl who used to love me, but I was too obsessed to notice. Hinata Hyuuga. She loved me for years, and I was too dense to notice. Why couldn't I have noticed?! If I had, it wouldn't have ended like this! She wouldn't have married Neji, she wouldn't have twins right now that were so loved it's sick.

I hate them too. Secretly. I act all happy for them, put on my mask so they won't notice these scars I have inside. But I really hate them. I hate their perfect lives, their stupid loving lives that annoy me because I don't have that.

I even hate Kakashi and Iruka-sensei, because now they're a family, and I'm not a part of it. Sure, it makes me selfish, but that's just the way I am. I can't help it. And so, I've decided to leave them. They don't need a dead weight like me bringing them down.

I left them a note. After reading my note, hopefully they'll understand why I have to do this. Actually, I'm scared. I don't know if I can do this.

But I need to. I can't bear living like this anymore. Even emotionless Shino has someone to care for him, even if it's Kiba and Akamaru. That's two more than I have for me.

I thought I had someone, last year before he was gone. I met him five years ago; he was beautiful to me. But, it seemed forbidden. We were both guys, and two guys would never fit together. That's why I held back.

I held back from taking that small, crazy redhead. He understood me; I could tell that just looking into his teal eyes. Sure, he held me away with his sand, but that only made me want him more. It made me want to kiss that "Ai" symbol near his temple.

I knew instantly that I loved him. Even Kyuubi, who usually hates anyone, even me, approved. He grew to love that boy as well.

But then it happened. That fateful day that my love was taken, abducted by the Akatsuki who planned to use him for their own sick ideas.

I was furious. I hunted them down; I murdered every last one of them with Kyuubi's help. But I wasn't fast enough. I couldn't save him, my love.

I can still remember last year, standing in a pool of blood, covered in it, holding my love in my arms as we rocked in the pouring rain. I can still remember crying, crying so furiously because it felt like my heart was being ripped from my body. And it wasn't painless.

I buried him. I buried him in a little forest glade I had found after the chuunin exams, unknown to any but me. I buried him with his sand, as he'd have wanted. And still I cried.

Kyuubi didn't cry; he mourned.

Every day, I returned to that glade, to lay a Nadeshiko flower on that grave that I'd dug myself. Every day I would pray up to heaven, where I hoped he was, watching down on me.

I told him everything; the hardships I went through, the heartache, the happiness I experienced. Or tried to.

It was hard to stay happy when the people of your village continued to shun you. When they threw rotten food and sharp objects every time they saw you. I had thought they'd accepted me, but that changed when I returned after burying my love, after killing every last member of the Akatsuki.

Every inch of my body was covered in blood, my whiskers were so pronounced they nearly covered all of my cheeks, and my eyes were a furious orange. My claws and fangs were elongated, dripping blood.

They only saw a monster. Even Iruka-sensei had run from me. That was the last straw.

After that, I continued putting on my mask, but it grew more unbearable as time wore on. Today is the last day. I can't bear this life any longer.

It was hard enough without finding my only mate. But after losing him, my love, it's unbearable.

And that's why I decided. I will join you, up there in heaven, or down in hell. Wherever we will go, us murderers.

That's why I'm standing here, at that same place I fought my ex-best friend, Sasuke.

Standing here, at the cliff, it seems fitting as a last place in this world. Standing before a raging river as I contemplate all that brought me here. It's odd, really, but I'm not scared anymore.

You see, I know I'll be seeing you, my only love. Even Kyuubi does not object as I take a step closer to that steep incline. He merely watches, waiting; he cannot wait to see Shukaku anymore than I can wait to see you.

It is time. The sun is setting, the last time I will see it set. It matches my life, ending on this lovely day.

Sighing, I take out a kunai, and stare at it as it rests in my tan hand. Something so small, yet so deadly. It's perfect.

So, one last time I draw on Kyuubi's strength. He gives me the strength to plunge the dagger deep into my heart, lodged so far it'll never come out.

Strangely, I feel no pain; this is nothing compared to the pain this world has put me through. Yes, in a way, I'm finally happy.

My weightless body falls over that cliff, down, down into the raging waters below. The current takes me far, and I sink beneath the water. I still feel nothing, but a pleasant warmth steeling into my body.

Suddenly, he's there, before me. My mate, my love.

He's wearing a beautiful white robe that reflects his beautiful pale skin, yet contrasts greatly to his red hair. He's holding out his arms to me, a tiny smile on his pink lips.

Finally. Finally, I am able to see you again.

My eyes burn as I try to move my arms, but they won't work.

_That's alright. I am your strength, now._

I hear his beautiful voice calling to me as he floats closer, his pale hand reaching down to draw me to him.

I find I'm wearing a white robe, similar to his. And I can still feel Kyuubi inside me. Apparently, when you die, your youkai dies with you.

I'm happy still; he was the only one who really understood me, outside of my love. So, I'm happy that he's with me.

My strength is returning; I can feel it flowing back into my body. Yes. Finally, I can hold my love to me again.

_Gaara. I'm so happy to be with you again!_

Another small smile. Yes, we're together again.

_Yes, me too. Come join me, in a place free of everything. No discriminations, no prejudice, no heartache. Just us, together._

And they floated up, high into the sky, to live together for eternity. What they'd always wanted.

Yes, he was finally happy.

"Oh, my god!"

Kakashi rushed into the living room at his love's scream, already prepped for battle.

"Iruka! What is it?"

Iruka turned, tears streaming down his face as he handed a small note to Kakashi. Kakashi read it, his only visible eye widening in surprise.

It was from Naruto, who'd been missing since that morning.

_Dear Iruka-mom and Kakashi-dad,_

_If you're reading this, well, then, I'm sorry. But I can't take it anymore. The stares, the beatings. The heartless words thrown at me._

_Sure, I smile and pretend to ignore all the things said to me. I used to be able to do that, but ever since I found Gaara, I find I'm unable to do that anymore._

_I'm sorry for doing this to you. But I can't take it anymore. Life for me has become unbearable._

_My best friend tried to kill me, and betrayed me. My first love married another, and all my friends are with those they love. I love both of you, but you aren't my love._

_My love is dead. I killed his murderers, and tried to live a happy life, as he'd have wanted me to. But, a life without Gaara is meaningless. _

_Again, I'm sorry for doing this to you. But, I've decided to follow him. Kyuubi agrees with me. We can't live without our mates. I've gone to the valley; Kakashi-dad, you know where._

_Please don't look for me until after this evening. If you can find my body, please take it to the forest outside of Suna; there's a grave there, where I buried Gaara. I would much like to rest by him for eternity._

_I love you both, and I really don't want to do this to you. But this is the most painless way I could think of ending it. So, I hope you will live a happy life, as I was unable to. _

_Goodbye._

_Love, _

_Naruto._

Kakashi held Iruka as he sobbed, feeling his own heart twist painfully. But he only crumpled up the note, tossing it somewhere behind him.

"Iruka, go find Tsunade. I'm going to go look for Naruto's body; it's after sunset. Wait for me at the Hokage's Tower."

Iruka nodded, sniffing; he still couldn't control his sobs. But he would do as his love commanded. After all, what else was there to do?

He'd known that Naruto was unhappy, but he hadn't known it was this bad. He just wished he could have done something to help him.

But, he knew there was nothing he could have done to help his adopted son. If he'd lost Kakashi, he would have been in the same state.

After all, it's unbearable, living while your mate is dead.

**Well, what'd ya think? It kinda took on a life of it's own about halfway through. Well, right after the beginning. Whatever. I know, angsty, and I didn't want Naruto and Gaara dead, but it just turned out that way. You know, I just realized my mind is really depressing. I need to stop making stories like this. Anyway, please review!**

**Ayame**


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